Personal Disappointment!

I am a little disappointed with myself.
About a month ago (ish) I went on a snowboarding holiday with my best friend and a few other guys. Was a really great "lads" holiday (in a Christian was, (it was a Christian organised holiday). We were there for two weeks which was awesome in itself. While we were there we were both approached by two of the leaders, my friend was approached by the snowboarding instructor and I was approached by the leader of the week. Anyway to cut a long story short, they asked us both to get involved in helping run/organise/be a part of the team. I jumped at the opportunity. So much so that almost as soon as I got home I filled out and sent off an application form.

In two weeks I will be going to the "headquarters" of this company to stay for a weekend to help out with a group that will be there, basically seeing if I would fit in the teams that they take away. I hope very much I do, as they organise Summer and Winter holidays. However I have been struggling recently with keeping up with my Spiritual disciplines of praying and reading the bible, and somehow the thought has crept into my mind that I will need to pretend to be "better" (over sized inverted commas intentional) than I am. That I would need to try and convince them I am a "better" christian than I am for them to accept me. There are thousands of things wrong with this. Firstly I have been saved from sin just like everyone else. Jesus died for me, just like he did for everyone else. Thus I am no worse than anyone else (and coincidentally no better!) We have all fallen short of God and all need saving and I have been saved. Secondly, if I were to pretend to be better than I am, I am sure that they would see right through it! It's pretty obvious when you get a "fake" Christian. Someone who says the right things and does the right things but without God's love. Thirdly, we all struggle at times! That's often how we grow stronger. Just because we are in a tough spot does not mean we are no longer a Christian or a rubbish one. Jesus was led into the desert by the Holy Spirit. What makes us think we won't be.

But here's the most important part:

The Holy Spirit also led Jesus out of the desert. He did not leave Him stranded! The desert has its place in our spiritual journey but is not the "be all and end all".

I want to go to the weekend with the Holy Spirit flowing out of me, but I also want to be myself. Both very attainable! But the next two weeks I need to kick myself into gear. Spend less time checking facebook and twitter (@macmacdonald) and spend more time praying, reading the bible and generally hanging out with Jesus! It's such an easy thing to do that doesn't involve kneeling with your head bowed and hands clasped! But is too easy to not to do what you want to do! "So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me" Romans 7:21

Pray for me.

Done for now.