Let it Snow, Let it… Hold on! Stop it now!

This past week has been an astonishing meteorological event. Britain has had snow before Christmas, not only have we had snow but we have had Big snow (as Mr McIntyre likes to put it). The most shocking factor of all though is that it has stayed for more than 48 hours!

There are two distinct ways to view snow, largely separated by age. On the one hand there is the child like wonder, the absolute sheer joy of looking outside the window and knowing that with the outside sprinkled and your persuasive powers there is no way your mother is going to make you go to school. The snow day is the holy grail of bunking off! You don’t get in trouble but you get to skip school and have snow ball fights/go sledging/make snow angels/do whatever ones heart desires. Snow is the bringer of joy (in a non heathen way). On the other hand there is the adult way of looking. In some cases they can be pleased knowing they won’t get to work, but more often than not they need to and this causes stress. Cars slipping and sliding, hours of queues on normally rapid roads. The fear of making it to work, not making it home, having to sleep in one’s car. These two extreme opposites can cause quite a tension in the country as children often throw snowballs at stressed adults. However there is also something beautiful about many adults in a similar stuck position. That is community. Very rarely do you see complete strangers helping each other out, but when snow appears it brings people together. Strangers will push cars of people they don’t know, people will often offer man power to help out others in need. This I love. I left university on Saturday and drove to my grandparents. They live in their very own weather system. They live right on the coast and right between the north sea and the English channel so they get a mixture of weather often entirely different to the rest of the country.

So when I went, Canterbury had had snow the day before but it had disappeared by the time I had left. Thirty minutes of my journey were flawless, vague traces of snow about but nothing to stop you going 70 on a dual carriage way. Then you hit Margate and it’s accompanying blizzard! The council decided gritters were silly so the roads were suddenly a nightmare! The last 6 minutes of my journey took 30! Anyway my father and I then left for Yorkshire which took about six and a half hours with no issues.

Going back to the age thing… I am in a fortunate position. I am effectively an adult. However I have no responsibilities (really), I don’t work, I don’t need to leave my house. This means that snow warms my heart. I love it. I climb the snow laden hills around my house and admire the white (not in a racist way). It also makes a lovely photo opportunity. I took one while at university.

Since I have been in Yorkshire I have not really had to leave my house, although my parents have . They’ve needed to preach and go to carol services and shopping etc. From what I have gathered Yorkshire is doing rather well in the snow. Amusingly though there is no chance of getting cars up and down my drive. My father has not tried so his car is at the top. My mother did try, her car is now stuck halfway up! I decided not to try so my car is sitting at the bottom. Fortunately however we have our Gator. This is the most wonderful all terrain vehicle ever. It looks like a glorified golf buggy. It is. With a massive engine and huge tyres.

Like this but with bigger tyres!

So when my parents need to go anywhere I act as their all terrain chauffeur. I take them down then pick them up when they come back. When they’re not in it there are a couple of great corners for practising power slides! It’s a riot.

I’m loving the snow because of my lack of need to go anywhere. However I do understand that it is causing chaos for many people. I’ve heard of many of my friends getting stuck on roads for hours. Abandoning their vehicles and cancelling plans.    Obviously there are the issues with the channel tunnel and people not being able to go abroad or come home. Snow is not ideal for everyone. What I would like is for the country’s snow just to fall on my house(!) then everyone else would be ok! I hope you all get where you need to go. I hope the snow doesn’t cause you stress or fury.

I leave you with a photo of the pub opposite my grandmothers.

Done for now.

Melanie Update Dec 09

I realised I hadn’t updated this for a while so here’s the December update:

Dear Prayer Partners;

This is a great season for reflection. I am sitting here listening to some of my favorite music and knowing that the God of the Universe sent His son so that I could be in relationship with Him. What a gift. My favorite Christmas Carol is “O Holy Night”. I have a compilation of that song and each track is different and the same; the same words but with different inflection and tone that makes each track unique, and yet the same.

I think that God looks at us, made in His image, and sees the same thing – each one of us is unique and different, yet the same – each of us has hopes and dreams and needs, wants and desires and objectives and goals, different words, inflections, tones and yet the same, His son or daughter. This season is one of Hope – Hope that the world can and will get better – Hope that healing will happen, sooner and more often – Hope that our dreams will come true – Hope that Peace will reign – Hope that you and Melanie and I will once again share a meal. The things hoped for are never in vain, and we wait until those things come to pass. We wait with Hope.

Each of us have battles and victories, some won in public and some in private -- yet it is in the battle that we find His presence the greatest.

So the update on the medical front:

Melanie needed a rod placed in her right femur because of a tumor there. The doctors were concerned that the leg might break and it is easier to be prepared than repaired. So the operation was a success. She has a titanium rod, inside the bone, from hip to knee. The doctor is very pleased and now Melanie is on to radiation on the femur. That treatment will last 10 days and will end on Friday Dec 18^th. The results of the radiation will not be known for several weeks since radiation is accumulative and the effect will take time to notice. This still goes under the heading of “Who thought this one up….?”

Because of the above detour, Melanie’s oncologist is anxious about the other tumors growing in the rest of her body. The ones in her liver and neck are the most noticeable. So with that in mind, and wanting to attack the cancer as soon as possible, Melanie will be starting on a new chemotherapy on Tuesday Dec 22^nd. She will have a treatment a week for at least 4 weeks, with a review at the end of that time.

We will have scans in January to determine the effect of the Gamma Knife, the radiation on her femur and the new chemotherapy. What a way to start the New Year – however we are still confident that Melanie’s healing is close. We might have a great celebration!!

This is the difficulty we all face -- we know things that are supposed to happen and haven’t yet. We wait and are not discouraged because we really trust God in all things. We trust Him to know when, where, how and through whom or what, that thing we wait for will come to pass. The goal is to know Truth and not worry, fear, doubt, be discouraged or hopeless. The goal is to hang on to Him at all times through all seasons. We know that all seasons end -- and then we will be facing something new. And facing that something new, we will be faced with the same difficulty as before. Will we be good reflectors of Jesus, or not?

Our circumstances will not dictate our response to life, our hearts will. And as for me and my house we will Trust and Serve our God in all things, good or bad.

We wish each and everyone of you a Very Merry Christmas and a Joyous New Year.

Serving a Big God,

Dennis, Melanie, Autumn & Jacob & Jet and Monica

From Melanie: If you are on this list, then it is absolutely true that I am hoping to see you again, and share 100 stories and a meal! I am so grateful for the cards and notes that come from y’all.

AND, some of you have come here to be with us!! To help me walk, feed me soup, get me into the bathroom (double and triple THANKS) You get trophies from me….!

I am 4 weeks past the bone surgery, and graduated to walking with a cane. While the surgery came as a shock to us, we are really grateful for it. It’s not that long ago that I was sleepwalking, and banging into corners and door frames, and we see how easily I could have shattered that bone…..YIKES!! (If you’ve ever had bone surgery, you know how difficult it is to “be grateful for it…”)

GOD WAS WATCHING OUT FOR ME, and doing something He often does, GOING AHEAD OF THE NEED!!

I LOVE YOU ALL, AND MISS YOU – HUGELY!

Melanie

That's what I'm to do?! Seriously?

So weird things have happened recently. Both myself and my dearest, have had minor inspiration about what we want to do with our lives! Both within about 2 months of each other. This is having deliberated and stressed and laughed at how little of an idea we both had before this time.

She shall tell you what she wants to do in her own time.

I however shall mention it in some detail here!
After having completed three years of my course I realised that at the end of this year university will stop (unless I decide otherwise (post-grad rather than failing! (hopefully))). I will be out into the world blah blah blah I've heard this alot from different people. It's something the relatives and estranged family friends ask frequently. Either through poor memory or general poor conversational skills it comes up alot! I realised it was time to sit down and work out what I could do. I had a chat with my brother-in-law who is relatively wise in such things (and is facing a relatively similar dilemma himself) and we discussed the possibility of further education or going back to where I did my placement, it was a useful chat but inconclusive.

So I was thinking, "what is it that I enjoy?" Well, I rather enjoy people and being sociable, I also rather enjoy taking photos of said people! This led me on to the possibly obvious conclusion that I would rather like to become a photographer! I've realised that I have been surprisingly fortunate in three different ways (when it relates to photography). In chronological order the first of these is my brother. I put it down to his influence that I picked up a camera in the first place. His appreciation for it (and his willingness to teach me) helped me start. Obviously at first it was something I did rarely as I didn't have a camera but as he got better and moved into the realms of the DSLR he gave me his previous camera, my first digital camera, a sony cybershot "bridge" camera. (Bridge meaning that it wasn't a small point and shoot compact camera but it wasn't an SLR, a nice "bridge" between the two). However over time I grew out of it and longed for a camera that would take a photo when I pressed the shutter button rather than 2.5 seconds later! I then received a Canon 400D for a birthday/Christmas present which I still have and use frequently. Not only did my brother give me my first camera, he also engineered my second camera (purely by ensuring it was a Canon) so that any accessories and lenses that he bought and I bought would be interchangeable between his cameras and mine. Often I will ask him if I can borrow a specific lens or a specific piece of equipment and more often than not it won't be a problem! So that is fantastic opportunity no. 1.

Fantastic opportunity no. 2 is also my brothers doing! Although only through coincidence. He lives with a lovely girl called Suzie Fields, who, unsurprisingly for this story, is a professional photographer. From the first time I went to stay at her house for a weekend we got on well and talked cameras and photos (you should check out hers http://www.flashfields.com/) and she gave me ideas. She also took a look at my "portfolio" (http://www.macmacphotography.com/) and wasn't particularly encouraging and said she could find something wrong with every photo if she wanted to, but said that I had potential and gave me some advice that she said was pivotal when she was learning that I have taken on board and crosses my mind frequently. She also said that if I ever was in London and wanted to follow her around (as an assistant) then I could, something I'm hoping to try and make use of over the Christmas. Networking in any job is important, often, as the phrase goes: "It's not what you know but who you know." I think in the photography world this is only partially true as you do have to have some kind of vision and skill but it doesn't hurt to know alot of useful people!

Fantastic opportunity no. 3 has only recently presented itself and is something that I fear I should have made better use of when I could. That is the photographic society and university. I've only just started getting involved with them this year because at times I have met some people from this society and they have seemed rather pretentious and a little up themselves. Possibly a bit judgemental I know, sorry. Also from what I have gathered this year is that there is an upper echelon of "in-jokes". However they have been putting on some useful workshops on different topics, many of which I know about (shutter speed/aperture). Many of which I don't though. The other useful thing they do is link up very closely with the modelling society. I was almost put off this idea before I went along because my ignorant nature thinks:

Pretentious photographers + Stuck up "I'm so gorgeous" models = People I don't want to hang around with.

However a friend of mine who I knew at school (from the year below) who came to my uni is part of the modelling society and although yes, she is very beautiful, she is fun and cool to hang around with. So that made things easier. One thing I did have to do is swallow my own pride (and there is an awful lot of it!) when it comes to photography. Yes I may think I know alot and as of recently I have this idea/dream of becoming a photographer, there are still going to be people who know more technically and take better pictures than me! So I have to take a back seat and admit to myself as well as them that I don't know everything (for those who know me you can appreciate the challenge!)
So not only do I think that I can learn from them if I suck in my big head, but they also have some cool equipment! I've been mind-showering what sort of photography I'd like to do and for the moment I thought I'd go generic and say portrait/studio work (weddings if I get the chance!). I've never done any studio work and only know the basics of lighting. However (again! (talk about a broken record!)) my brother has lent me some flashes, some flash stands, some umbrellas and some remote units to use. I haven't yet but within the next few weeks I will have. The other thing is that the photosoc has some (what I believe to be called) strobes. Basically high powered effectively professional studio flashes. The combination of the two of them and then the two "speedlights" that my brother has lent me gives me a good opportunity to come up with some good lighting effects. Now all I need is some vision and experience!

Well, experience is on the way. My friend, the aforementioned model has kindly agreed to give me an afternoon of her time so I can basically try stuff out. Put lights in random places and see what it looks like! I shall start with one light, then work my way up to four by the end of the afternoon! (Photosoc also has a white backdrop that I intend on stealing so they'll be "high key" photos (hopefully)).

Really these are the three great opportunities that I have been given. Although I have been slightly dented to find that my laptop has had a graphics card meltdown so I get funny purple lines down the screen. I took it in to be checked up on and sadly they've said it's had it, so I may need to delve into my vague attempt at a savings account and purchase a new computer. Bye bye dreams of a Mac Book Pro! Although I am planning on spending a reasonable amount of money on a new laptop so it can run all the necessary photographic software.

The other problem is that I'm petrified. Firstly the idea of being self-employed that sometimes money may not come in :S What if people don't like my work, what if this is like a photographic version of the tripe-factor where people tell me I'm great and encourage me and then it all goes wrong and someone honest says you've no hope in this lifetime to make it!
I've been feeling quite photographically inadequate recently. I've been trying to do research on different lighting techniques and found some stunning images that make me think how on earth does someones mind create that! I want to share with you my favourite picture of the moment. It's done by a guy called Blair Bunting and I found it on the strobists blog (http://strobist.blogspot.com/) the photo is this: (http://is.gd/53wQn) There is also a good explanation of how he did it here: (http://is.gd/53wUt) should you care. In my mind it's a truely astonishing photo!

Anyway! Too much ramblidge.
Priorities: New computer, photography session with model, work out life!

"That'll do donkey, that'll do"
That's what I have in my head about this post!
Sorry, it's very long, and not very funny then again they are just my thoughts!
You're the one who's actually read them!

Done for now.

Long time, no write.

It's been an awfully long time since I last blogged. I'm not entirely sure why this is, I don't know if live is moving so disastrously fast that I'm not giving myself enough time to sit and think.

I think the majority of my blogging came in Newmarket when, in the evenings, I would sit alone and ponder the vastness of my thoughts (if only!) So a quick thought on the things since then.

I finished my placement at the start of July, only with a report to finish. I told my boss that I would get it done before I left. Oh dear, this was the very metaphorically tangible moment when it all started unravelling like a poorly designed and constructed spiders web. Needless to say 2 entire months have whizzed by and I am still plugging away. Yet I am closer, thank the Lord. I am reminded of the quote (bizarrely that I have heard twice in the last week) of Douglas Adams who said, "I love deadlines, I like the whooshing sound they make as they go by". Now I'm hoping not to hear that delightful yet chilling sound. I do have until the 2nd of October. But it also needs to go through the various channels at work to make sure I'm not revealing anything confidential. (I like to think that my work was as important as working for MI5, however, frankly, it's not!) So I received an email from my ex-boss saying we need it ASAP! :S So my plan is to get it finished this week. I'm surprisingly close but I have added a section and I'm not quite sure where it should fit. I also have no idea how to finish. But I shall keep plugging on!

I had the wonderful delight of disappearing to the South of France for a weekend, with two of my most wonderful (and amusing friends). It was a treat for one of my friends' birthday and the dates crossed over with the other friends birthday so the whole thing was a birthday infested event with me as the birthdayless third wheel. But it was marvellous, we swam, we sunbathed (in true pasty white British style). Quick tangent. What's the difference spelling wise between pasty - as in pasty white skin tone and pasty - as in Cornish pasty yummy food thing? Anyway back on track. We spent far more money than we should have but all in all a wonderful lads weekend, (not a lads weekend in the traditional plebby sense of the word of drinking and random distasteful sex more just a group of boys going on holiday).

Then my dearest and I went to my grandparents for 3 or 4 days. I love my grandparents. There is possibly no weekend away I would prefer than going down to see my grandparents. They live in Kent right on the coast (near but also far enough away to not be tainted by Margate). They lavished us with champagne and beer and wine and smoked salmon and lobster. The list goes on! But I suppose it's a grandparents duty and (hopefully) joy to spoil their grandchildren.

Then (oh dear starting too many paragraphs with "then"! I could never be a writer) I went to the Spanish coast for 8 days. Sounds nice, and it was, but also very hard work. I went away on an Oak Hall holiday, they do Christian holidays around the world. Basically a normal holiday then in the evenings we have some teaching and music etc. However I was not a guest I was a cook. On a campsite. For 50 people. I've never cooked before. I say I've never cooked before, I pride myself on my cooking for the lonely me, and, at a push I can maybe roll out a meal for 4 on a good day, downhill with a tail wind! Fortunately however I was just the assistant cook. There was a head cook. She turned out to be a lovely 18 year old gap year student who had never cooked and was told that I was very experienced and everything would be fine. There were four of us on the entire team. Me - Assistant Cook. We'll call her Anna (for that is her name) - Head Cook. Bridgit - Leader and Dave - Speaker. Now Bridgit had never led a trip before. She had no idea what she was doing either. Dave had spoken before. He was the only one of us who could do his job properly! Fortunately Bridgit (le leader) had been there the week before and she was the head cook. She was a Very good head cook. So much so she brought her own knives. These were serious, look-at-them-they're-so-sharp-they'll-cut-you knives. To cut a long story short. Bridgit was a hero. Anna and I didn't poison a single person and Dave spoke like a master. We were the most inexperienced trip that went out this Summer but I think it was the best. It was certainly the best trip I've ever helped with (albeit the first!)

I then had the marvellous opportunity, one that doesn't come around all that often, of being allowed to drum. I don't know why I don't do it often but maybe it's because there are many people better than me, either that or I never stay in one place for long enough! Anyway I went down to Egham to the church where my dearest goes when she is at university. They were having a kids club for a week. This was not just just a kids club, this was a marks and spe.... hold on no! It was an astonishing kids club. There were about 70 volunteers and 150ish kids. It was all based on a Joseph theme. Thus we did some Joseph the musical numbers. I had entirely forgotten 1. How much I love drumming and 2. How much fun kids can be. (as long as you can hand them back after :S!) This was a marvellous week of fun, stupidity, and general all round merriment.

(I will not start this paragraph with then... Wahey look what I happened, I started with "I" (or "(" if you want to be hyperpedantic))
So... the dearest and I went to visit my aging and decrepit parents in Yorkshire. I say decrepit, really they're both as fit as a fiddle (odd phrase - how can fiddles be fit? They're instruments, I'm sure someone will one day tell me) they're running around the field, digging, damming (not to be confused with damning), and fixing a leaky cellar (our cellar seems to, if left alone, gather about 2 or 3 feet of water in it. But my father with all his genius cyphons or siphons or sifons(?!) (I'm going with number 2) it off rather successfully). Our main purpose of going up there was to get away from the rush and settle down and do some work (see report stuff at the begging of this rather unnecessarily longwinded message). We did this and we went for walks, climbed a waterfall, saw films and we had a BBQ and it was wonderful.

We are now back in the civilised south (although I am growing to love that place) and I am staying with some lovely friends of mine, finishing my report (he says while writing this instead) and working out when a good time to head back to university is. Hmmm

Yes all inspiration has just ebbed away in a similar manner to pouring water into the moat of a finely constructed sandcastle. So it's time to say Ta-ra.

Done for now.

Melanie's Cancer Update - August 09

Dear Prayer Partners,
If I were to give this a title for a chapter of a book it would be something like this: "Once more into the breech" but that has already been taken - or "Can you believe this..."- but I think that has been over used. So the next thought was "You just cannot make this up".
So, that is where we will start.

Melanie was released from the hospital last Sunday night (after 11 days there.) It seems that she had an infection in her small intestine, which antibiotics took care of. During her stay there was a CT scan taken of her abdomen which showed that the oral chemotherapy was not working and the cancer in her liver was growing. This means that we were looking at different chemotherapy. This new chemo was started yesterday, and will be given every 21 days. There is an additional injection she will take 24 hours after the chemo to assist in building white blood cells. Because the chemo was not working there is some question about her brain, so she had an MRI done in Indy last Thursday that showed some signs of something so small that they want another picture in 8 weeks.

"Here we go again" just seems a little trite to the extent of the battle we are facing and have been through. There are a couple of things that we understand - the enemy is really mad at us and is trying to discourage us in any way he can. The only power he has is when we give it to him.One of his biggest tools is to make life so difficult that we just quit - but that is not going to happen. We know that in the end we win and we also know that this is not the end. It is just another chapter in the life of Dennis and Melanie that will require some strength and perseverance.

Sorry that this did not get out sooner - but we have had a couple of busy days.

Melanie started her new chemotherapy yesterday, it took over 4 hours, premeds, then a 3 hour drip. The good news is that she slept though most of it. She come home and went straight to bed and slept for about 6 hours. Today she is just really tired.

We have been down this road before, however never started chemo this tired. She was on the oral chemo and radiation at the same time -- which made the fatigue factor very large. She was in the hospital for 11 days eating very little which took the rest of her strength and is now on this new chemo which will be given every 21 days.

With out being obvious, the prayer needs are for strength and healing. We know that this is going to be a long battle - on top of the previous 12 years - and we are ready for it - I think. What we don't know is what the long range effect will be, nor do we know the duration of this latest treatment. Until it works.....

We are in it for the duration and will fight to the end - which we think is a long way off. We are holding on to the promises of God and know that we are in the midst of a really good plan (I really don't like this part though), and that we live in the shadow of the wing of the most High God.

We want to thank you all for all the support you have given us over the years and it makes us humble to think that you will continue with us. THANK YOU! From the bottom of our hearts, we thank you and bless you. You are in our prayers each day. We love you all and look forward to the next time when we can put our arms around each of you and love on you in person.

Serving a Big God,
Dennis & Melanie, Autumn & Jake & Jet, and Monica

Melanie's Cancer Update

Here is the most recent of the prayer letters. Please keep praying. I may give my own blog post soon when I have something to say!

Dear Prayer Partners,

This one is going to be titled "Who thought this one up?"

I was planning on sending out an update last week. We were scheduled to end the last phase of Melanie's radiation treatment. We had just finished the treatment on her lower back. Melanie is tolerating the oral chemotherapy well and we were within two days of finishing on her upper back when the latest crisis started.

We were looking forward to stopping the shuffling between doctors offices, radiation treatment and start on the road to recovery and rest when Melanie started to have stomach pains. We spend a couple of weeks telling the doctors that when she ate her stomach hurt. They recommended several over the counter drugs to ease the pain and they seemed to work for a time. The doctors then thought that it might be an ulcer and ordered an x-ray of her stomach. The results were inconclusive and we were waiting for what they were going to do next when Melanie needed to go to the emergency room. She has been in the hospital since last Tues, July 7th, They ordered scans from the top (to look at the stomach) and from the bottom (to look at the bowel). The results of the tests showed that there was nothing visible that was the cause of her pain. So they emptied her out and started out on a clear liquid diet and she did fine, they went to full liquid (cream soup, yogurt etc) and she did fine. We had got her all the way to full diet and she was doing fine until the first night of the full diet when the pain was back. So start over with clear liquid and antibiotic's because they now thing there is an inflammation of her small intestines that cannot be seen with a scan.

So today she is on full liquids and is looking forward to eating something other than clear broth. The doctors have changed her antibiotic's and are hoping that she will be able to eat with out pain. If she can continue to eat with out pain she should be home on Monday. This will allow the doctors some options as to the type of tests that are not available here in our town, We may have to go to the big city for additional tests.

We are at a loss as to what happened or how it happened - what we do know is that we will win this one. What we also know is that this has nothing to do with the cancer or the chemotherapy she was taking. Melanie's spirits are good - she is very tired, no real food and pain do not make for a lot of energy. Right now the pain management is as big as the cancer. We are battling we really appreciate all of your support and prayers. We are sustained by them and by the knowledge that we still live in the palm of His hand and are covered by the shadow of the wing of the Most High God.

Thank you for praying please continue to do so. I will update you all next week hopefully while Melanie is upstairs in her own bed and I am not either going or coming from the hospital.

Thank you we love you all.

Many blessings over each and every one of you and your families.

Serving a Big God,
Dennis, Melanie, Autumn & Jake & Jet and Monica

A friend with cancer.

I have decided to post the updates I receive by email from my wonderful friend Melanie Morgan-Dohner who has a huge mixture of cancers, (I think breast, a brain tumour and liver cancer. She also has numerous tumours on her spine).
But she speaks of Hope and Faith even in (really!) tough times!
She also has a blog where you can see all her posts from (I think) when it all started.

Here is the most recent email.

Dear Prayer Partners,

As most of you know, we are once again spending our days surfing between doctors offices. Which brings me to something I was thinking about - the subject of news - you know good news, bad news.

Well, as I was thinking about the things the doctors have told us in the last couple of days, I am beginning to understand that news is neither good or bad -- it is just news. When we have gone to the doctors and received news that we considered good, we announced it to the world. And when we got news that was considered bad, we announced it to the world. So, what we did is broadcast news. News is just that - something new that we did not know before. What we do with that news and how we handle that news determines whether it is good or bad. We are the only common denominator in our circumstances. The question about news, not good or bad, is "what are you going to do with it and who are you going to be, in the midst of it?"

Just to give you an example of what we are talking about - at one doctors office we are told, "all we will be doing is palliative care since you are stage 4". This caught us really off guard and we had to ask, " what does that mean?" The simple explanation is that "palliative care" is all that radiation really does - it kills a tumor (which will stop the pain associated with that tumor, but it does not cure the cancer.)

Radiation is to kill the tumors and relieve the pain in a local spot, while the chemo is systemic. The issue of stage 4 was explained as "once the cancer is in an organ, you are automatically in stage 4". We left that office with news - it had the effect of slowing down our spirits -- definite time for introspection and a chat with God. Melanie was startled and crying. (Even though we had all known that cancer in her liver meant it was getting worse -- even though we knew the facts, already. )

That report had not come to us with any hope attached -- in fact, quite the opposite -- this report had been completely heartless.

We have a Nurse Practitioner at a different Doctor's office -- she is extremely knowledgeable and kind, and carries a cloud of hope about her. I needed to hear this from her. She said, "Melanie, you know your body and you do not need to know the label, as it does not change our treatment plan - which is to get you back doing what you do".

What a difference presentation makes - I believe that how we tell people news has a greater effect than what the news is. We could all learn from that. When said with Love and Kindness, no matter the message, we can leave people feeling loved and cared for, just like Jesus does for us.

We have just spent the last week going to Doctors to try and determine the source of pain in Melanie's back. The results of the test have confirmed that she has a tumor in the upper spine, which is causing a lot of pain, and a tumor in the lower spine which is causing pain along her sides. So, to add to the chemotherapy she just started several weeks of radiation treatment. (It is very unusual to be having chemo and radiation at the same time -- however, the situation calls for it.) Once again our days are filled with doctors appointments and treatment.

The radiation will take between 3 and 4 weeks, each day, Monday through Friday. The chemo, which is oral, is taken twice a day, also Monday through Friday. Our prayer requests is that the radiation would do exactly what it is designed to do, and kill the tumor and therefore stop the pain. That the chemo would do what it is supposed to do and kill all the other cancer in Melanie's body, without side effects. There is one side effect that is currently happening which we would like prayer for: the bottom of her feet hurt. Not all the time but enough that there is some concern about the amount of chemo she is taking. We have had the dose reduced and are now talking to the doctor about what is next. (Melanie would rather have sore feet -- if it kills the cancer -- but the Dr. thinks we can do both....kill the cancer, and save her feet..)

Please pray that the side effects will stop and that the chemo will have no other side effects.

We are also asking for prayer for provision. Since we cannot travel our income has been reduced. If you could just pray for our finances we would be grateful. We are not asking for money, dear friends -- we are asking for prayer. However, if you feel led to contribute to Big God Ministries, please see our web site for details.

You can read Melanie's blog at www.hopeandcancer.blogspot.com When you read these blogs any comments would be helpful to Melanie.

Once again we thank you for all your prayer support, without it this journey would be more difficult. We are grateful for each and everyone of you and those you share our news. Thank you.

Serving a Big God,
Dennis & Melanie, Autumn & Jake & Jet and Monica

Technologically Geeky Times!! The New iPhone and Friends

I couldn't care much less about being a geek right now, largely because I'm just plain excited!

As I just mentioned to the Thinker and Ponderererer this is a very exciting 14 days. Three days behind me and 11 days to come.

Three days behind:
Friday was our 5 year anniversary - we had a lovely time and went out for a delightful meal
Saturday we went to London to see Wicked - an AMAZING musical, funny, musically wonderful, all generally great.
Sunday just a lovely day - saw my parents
Today, Tuesday, Wednesday are in between days. Not much happening
Thursday I get to go to London in the evening after having picked up my morning suit (very exciting)
Friday I help my sister move from her flat to the flat where she is going to be living.
Saturday is the most exciting day of all - Tis my lovely sisters wedding. All very exciting things. She's my most lovely (and only sister) and so I'll probably cry. Deal with it.
Sunday I have to go back to Newmarket sadly.
Then not much happens until...
June 17th... This is where the entire inner geek comes out.

The new iphone OS (operating system) 3.0 and iPhone 3Gs will be released.
I have been waiting for this for some time now (since I first got my phone) not because I'm not happy with my phone but because I love things becoming better! There are some things the iPhone OS 2.0 just can't quite do which stops using it being the pleasure it should be.



I have just this (10) minute(s) finished listening to an audio stream from the WWDC (Worldwide Developers Conference) in California. This is where Apple were going to announce all the big "things" including the new iPhone stuff and "Snow Leopard" (and probably much more stuff that I am not quite geeky enough to know/care about.)

I was trying to do my report at work but then just ended up following all the updates and then the audio stream so gave that up!!

So the new stuff that is pretty awesome: (Think of this a information for not entirely geeky people, because I don't know all the in-depth technical mumbo-jumbo)

(I think I'll do them in the order they did, it's easier that way)
1. Cut, Copy and Paste - This has been one of the most frustrating things about the iPhone's so far. If you want to email someone something you found on the internet but not the whole article or link, or need to copy part of a text into your notes then you had to go the old fashion way. Pen and Paper. It was a pain. It's surprising it's taken them this long to get it there but at least they're there now! It was almost funny that one of the top "smart phones" couldn't really handle a bit of text transfer!

2. Shake to undo - Maybe a bit gimmikey but probably will turn out to be rather useful. To undo an action, you just shake, simple as that. I'm assuming it will work with text and maybe if you accidentally delete something eg a contact or a note. It'll have it's uses I'm sure.

3. Landscape mode in all Apple apps - Safari (internet browsing) has always supported landscape mode, it helps to see more of a page. It also brings up a wider keyboard, which, if you have large fingers then it makes it easier to get around. This has now been brought to all apples key apps, mail for example. I personally am not really fussed by this. It can actually be a huge pain as I spend alot of time using my phone, I also spend alot of time in my bed. If you try and lay down and use it, it always spins round (with safari) now it's going to do this with everything! I will be frustrated by such a thing. Ideally it'd have a choice in the settings. But we shall see.

4. MMS (Multimedia Messaging Service) - This is also rather astonishing that it's taken apple this long to get round to this! Thousands of phones have already been able to do this for years! I think they assumed that emailing on the go would take over from it, but it hasn't. Amusingly with my "super clever" iPhone someone sent me a picture message. I couldn't just view it. I had to go on the internet, log on to o2.co.uk type in lots of details, then view it! What a ridiculous waste of time. So I'm glad this has finally come along. When they announced this (an hour ago) they said that it would be available on 29 carriers (like O2 and orange) etc when they launch. However it wouldn't be available on AT&T until the end of the summer!!! (That's the major carrier in the US!!) The crowd were fairly outraged by that!!

5. Forwarding Messages - They didn't actually mention this (I don't think) but they did back in March at their OS 3.0 preview and I'm assuming they haven't changed their mind! The iPhone has a very clever and sensible way of setting out texts. You get them in a handy conversation like msn. Very useful. But they didn't have any way of forwarding messages. Now they do. Very simple just to forward text messages to someone else.

6. Spotlight - This is very handy. This is an 'entire phone' search function. On the iPhone homepage you have screens with all your various apps on it. To the left of the main page there will now be a "spotlight search" page. This will search your whole phone, contacts, calendar, ipod, mail (although I think not the mail content (little annoying) just subject titles/people) etc.

7. iTunes - Previously in iTunes on your computer you've been able to rent/buy films and transfer them to your phone to watch on the go. Now you can do this straight from the phone, bypassing the computer. Apparently "This is great if you're getting ready to get on a flight, you can purchase and download right at the airport." Doesn't really appeal to me but is useful I guess.

8. iTunes U - This is something I've just learnt about. iTunes U is the "educational" part of iTunes. Basically in it's simplest form, you can download lectures on pretty much anything from a huge range of universities (mainly American, but it does have Oxford and Cambridge too) I think many are free, some you probably have to pay for. A very useful addition to iTunes. This has then been put on the iPhone as well, so as well as having the app store and iTunes, you now have iTunes U for downloading lectures on the go.

9. Parental Controls - There were already some parental controls, but I think they just made them more conclusive, largely with controls for films and tv stuff. Why a kid who needs parental controls has an iPhone I'm not sure, but I don't think it's a bad thing.

10. Tethering - This is rather cool, I'm not sure how it would work yet but we shall see... It Basically involves using your phone as a modem for your computer. So hook up your computer to your phone (usb or bluetooth) then use it as the internet. So your laptop can be on the internet via your phone (albeit rather slow depending on where you are)

(Here are a few little ones in a row)
11. a. Safari b. Javascript c. HTTP streaming - I'm not entirely sure about these I think safari is just a bit better/quicker(?). Javascript runs 3 times faster. Http can stream audio and video (ask someone geekier than I about that!)

12. Autofill - Similar to on the computer, the phone can remember passwords to various website that you "frequent" often - ebay, amazon, etc Also fills out web forms (with addresses etc)

13. More languages - The iPhone 3.0 supports more than 30 languages, including left to right languages - like Arabic

14. Find my Phone - A very useful tool however only works if you're signed up to mobileme (a syncing online program $99 a year subscription, this is the only things that's made it even vaguely worth considering) You sign into mobileme and it'll show you a map of where you're phone is! Great if you've lost it shopping or in an Egyptian taxi! However not helpful if you've lost it in the house... But wait... You can also send a message to the phone telling it to play a sound even if it's on silent, it'll keep playing until you've found it!! Very useful but is it worth $99! Jury's still out! - Also if it's lost or stolen you can send it a message to delete all of the data (all backed up on your iTunes) but stops anyone else getting at it!

15. Various developing things - I won't go into much detail but just outline the things that developers can now do and how they'll affect you and me - In app purchasing - This is basically where you can now buy for example a book reading app. Now you can buy the books individually and then they'll be in the app. Previously you had to have one app per book thus cluttering up your home pages. Also can be used for say a racing game where you can buy more levels or cars. Use your imagination. Although they stressed alot that free apps will remain free, not be free to download then you have to pay to do other things with it! Peer to Peer Bluetooth - Basically imagine playing chess on two phones against eachother. Push Notification - This basically means that instead of having say for example msn running all the time (which would shred battery life like something that's very easy to shred) this kind of keeps you signed in "elsewhere" (not on your phone) but then "pushes" a notification to you when you get a message. Then you can sign in and have a conversation. So is just a different way of doing things. Another examples is if you have a football app then you don't want to have to check on it every 5 mins for the score, but it can "push" a notification to you when a goal is scored or it's full time and then you can read/see about it.
There are some other bits a pieces but again too technical for me/this blog!

16. Tom-Tom - The sat nav company tomtom have developed for the iphone a complete sat nav kit. So a turn by turn direction thingy. (Better than the maps things it has now when it comes to finding your way when you're lost) It comes with a car kit and power so you don't have to worry about battery life. But I think this is all external so will have to be bought (and probably not cheap)

These are the main operating system things that are coming in 3.0

However after all the hundreds of rumours they are also releasing new hardware (an actual phone rather than just a software update)

The iPhone 3Gs

1. Faster - This is basically faster, messaging loads twice as fast as the iPhone 3G. They say everything is faster. Viewing an excel spreadsheet is 3.6x faster.

2. Better Camera - I was pretty pleased with the camera it already has. In fact it's taken some lovely photos!! But the new camera is a 3 megapixel auto focus-auto white balance- camera. It also has "tap focus" where you can tap on part of the photo for it to focus on that part thus being able to take funkier nicer more "composed" photos. Also better close (macro) (Up to 10cm) photography and better low light photographs.

3. Video - This has been much awaited! The new camera has 30fps (frames per second) video with audio capability. Auto focus and white balance just like the camera, and dead easy to use. Also video editing of your videos. Also can easily send via email or MMS.

4. Voice Control - Now this is cool!! Basically you can control it with your voice (duh!) For example "Play Fall Out Boy" then iTunes starts playing fall out boy! Or if it's playing something you say "what's playing now?" and it'll tell you!! Also if it's playing something you can say "Play more songs like this" and it'll create a "genius" playlist. How cool's that!! Also the standard "Call Andy" works too!

5.Built in Compass - I'm not sure why this seemed to be as popular as it was but it now has a built in compass! So it will tell you which way you're facing/going. This is also linkable with google maps. So you can move the map to point the way you're facing. Handy!

6. Links with Nike+ - I didn't know what nike+ was until just now but it appears to be something that the ipod nano, and now the iphone 3Gs supports where it will track your runs giving pace, time, distance etc and then upload it onto nike+ website where you can have all your stats and challenges and targets etc.

7. Battery - The battery life is set to improve (thank goodness!) 9hrs of solid wifi access.

That's pretty much it!! (It's rather a lot!)
As far as pricings go. The software update will be free for all iphone users and will be $9.99 for iPod touch users.

The iPhone 3Gs - Last time they handed it out for free if you were willing to restart your 18month contract back to zero. I'm hoping they'll do it again. I think O2 will let us know of that. Otherwise they were saying $199 for 16GB of storage, and $299 for a 32GB version.


Phew.

Done for now.

Hopes and Dreams.

"Pay attention to your dreams - God's angels often speak directly to our hearts when we are asleep." ~Quoted in The Angels' Little Instruction Book by Eileen Elias Freeman, 1994

Dreams are a powerful. There are a thousand thoughts, quotes and ideas all on the power of a dream.

Dreams come in all shapes and sizes. From the downright bizarre to the wonderfully exciting and positively scary! We don't really know where dreams come from or what influences them. I once saw a bizarre French film called "La science des rêves" (The Science of Dreams). That's fairly irrelevant!

What I was really thinking about is the "conscious dreams", the dreams we have for our lives, our future. What is it that if time, age and money were no object we would like to do? Recently in the news we heard of Ben Southall who has just recently won a "dream job" as an "Island caretaker", earning £73,500 for 6 months (ish). This does sound like a dream job to me. However every single person's hopes and dreams are different and some people have no dreams at all!
I regularly ask people at work random questions. Usually along the lines of "If I gave you a plane ticket right now where would you most like to go?" This makes people think of their "dream holiday". There are so many categories for dreams: Job, holiday, wife, car etc. But I like to know what people would love to do.

I recently was privileged enough to have a helicopter lesson. My life checklist has had both, go in a helicopter and fly a helicopter, so being able to check both of them off at the same time was fantastic. I would LOVE to become a helicopter pilot. I have flown fixed wing aircraft quite a few times and it is much easier and nowhere near as exciting (except for the loops and barrel rolls) as flying a helicopter. Becoming a pilot however involves a large amount of money that I just don't have. However it is still a dream. An even bigger dream on a the same line is becoming a commercial pilot (not airline pilot, still with the helicopters) There are so many different "types" of pilot, police, ambulance, personal pilot, coast guard etc etc. Any of these would suit me! For some time now I've thought that I'm not entirely meant for the normal 9-5 type job. I want something a little different. Flying sounds different! I worked out (in a brief lull at work) that if I borrowed £1 a day off people then I would have the money to become a pilot in 41 years and 35 days. If I wanted to get my commercial license that would take me 95 years 325 days. Hmm not ideal. The pilot who taught me last weekend said he remortgaged his house! Basically unless a miracle happened it's not likely I'm going to become a pilot anytime soon which saddens me a little. But getting back to what I meant to is that dreams are meant to be held on to.

Just because I can't realise my dream today, or tomorrow doesn't mean I should leave it to disappear. Here's the kicker, Edward Kennedy said "The work goes on, the cause endures, the hope still lives and the dreams shall never die." If we want something we must hold onto it. It often breaks my heart to hear that people have no dreams or aspirations. That they just intend on plodding along and the thing is that they don't know there's more out there.
There's obviously a spiritual twist to this about hope. But I shall let you create that yourself I'm happy for the moment just spieling about dreams.
I would be fascinated to know what dreams you have, what things you would love to do/see/visit if you were given the opportunity. Please tweet me/text me/email me.

Going back to the first quote in this post, I am confident that God gives us many of the dreams we have, he gives them to us for a reason. Don't let go of them because they may feel unattainable. God has a plan.
So much more to write as new thoughts pop into my head but is my bed time! Maybe I shall post again soon.

Done for now.

A trip away?

A little bit of the past then a hope for the future.

Approximately the first 18 months of my life were spent in Africa. Malawi to be more precise. Blantyre to be even more precise. My father was working for PwC (Then just the Pw bit!). And so as an entire family, the five of us, lived out there. (The rest of the family for longer before I was born, they then came back to England, I was born, then we went straight back out!) Sadly due to my age I have no recollection of this place. However looking through old and rather embarrassing photo albums and the wonderful opportunity to know my Godmother Anne Scarborough and know her work with the Nchima Trust. I have been able to have a taste of what it was like. Not through visiting but through photos and stories etc.

This is a batique from Africa that my father had in his office for many years, that I now have in my living room in Newmarket:


This place has always had a special place in my life. I'm not entirely sure why. Partly because it makes an interesting story (living in Africa, despite not remembering it!), also it often turns up on the news because of the devastating poverty and high levels of AIDS. It has also recently come up with the whole Madonna saga!

I have always had a desire to go there.

When we lived there (so the story goes) I had a nanny called Ruth. I pretty much lived on her back for the entirety of our time out there. She looked after me, bathed me, played with me, took me places etc. All the things a nanny should do. There are apparently very few photos of me and her together, I have been told the reason for this is because as a child I was very white! I had very white hair and very white skin. (Macdonald trait. We don't tan well!) However Ruth was as black as they come (not in a racist way!). Thus trying to get the exposure right in photos of us both rarely worked! Because if she looked normal I would be super white and over exposed, and if I looked normal she would be underexposed and you couldn't see anything but her teeth and eyes! Anyway! I don't remember her, much to my sadness. However I want to. I have always wanted to head back and visit the places I have visited before but have no recollection of. Africa is a place that strikes a chord with me when I hear about the things that are going on. It is also an incredibly beautiful place. Here's a word. Juxtaposition!

For a while I have contemplated how or when I should go back. I feel the time is coming. Largely because I want to see Ruth before she dies (the average age of an adult is about 45) thus she may be dead already. But I don't think I want to go back there just for a holiday. I want to go and help. I want to do something, be a part of something that makes a difference (isn't that many people's cry for their lives!) Basically I want to go on some mission/aid trip. But have the opportunity to see some of the people that made my family welcome. I asked my Godmother if the Nchima trust do trips but they don't really do that sort of thing. But I would like to find something.

I have lots to accomplish before I settle down into a normal job (if that's what God calls me to! (I'm kinda hoping it's not! :P)) This is one of them.
I also hope my dearest will come with me. It's something we've talked about. Africa comes up in our conversations from time to time, and I know she knows how important it is to me. And I also know she wants to do a mission trip too. So maybe this will happen. Hopefully very soon after uni. It needs prayer. It needs planning. But I believe God puts desires on our heart for a reason.

Done for now.

The Roller Coaster of Life!!

Since Friday I have had some serious ups and downs.

It started on Friday with quite alot of stress at work. I had a lot to accomplish and I did manage it, however both my bosses were going to be on holiday until today (Wednesday) and that we had some 200 urgent samples that needed doing and the data had to be checked and out by (this) Friday. So without going to in depth into what I have to do for my job, I had to do about 4 hours work on Friday (not in total! just on one thing) then one of my friends was going to come in on Sunday and put it on an instrument (mass spec if you care). I was told before my bosses disappeared that it had to work! So that put on quite a bit of pressure.... This was trough one!

Then I hit a peak. I went away to Otford manor in Kent. It's in a beautiful part of the country and the weather was magnificent. I was there to help out around the place as the had a (50 strong!!) worship group from one of the churches in London staying. So lunch needed preparing, as did dinner and breakfast (probably not in that order!), toilets needed cleaning. The place just needed to keep ticking over! It was wonderful to be part of a good team. A Christian team. Everyone helped out with a smile on their face which was great! I got some time to chill out and had a wander around the grounds. Anyway, this was fantastic. I then headed back into London on Sunday and chilled out with my brother which was amazing (I love hanging out with my family) we had out usual just me and him chat about all things technological and film where I often ask a question that he starts answering then I ask another and so it goes on till we have entirely forgotten the original question! Anyway so this was great. Peak One.

Then I got into work on Monday, to find that the stuff that "had" to work didn't. This was a pain. So there were three of us (a senior scientist, a scientist and me a student scientist) trying to figure out what to do. Which we proceeded to do. Fortunately the scientist (we shall call her Barry) redid all my Friday work and ran that over night. While me and the senior scientist (we'll call her Victor) planned the next few days (still with the intention of trying to get all 200 samples done before one of my bosses came back on Wednesday (today). This was stressful. Trough 2.

Tuesday got better. The work that Barry did passed. So we decided to do all three batches (including the 200 samples) on Tuesday. All three of us worked pretty hard and well as a team. But this is what made it fantastic: Barry and I often have chats about religion. I'm a Christian and she's a Sikh. We often ask questions about each others religions. Also recently we've been talking about music. These two topics came into a collision! We were both waiting for something and when we got what we were waiting for she said Hallelujah. This made her start singing Hallelujah by Leonard Cohen/Jeff Buckley/Rufus Wainwright/Alexandra Burke/Kate Voegele (Pick your favourite!) Anyway we started discussing the lyrics and all she could remember was "She tied you to a kitchen chair!" So she was asking what Hallelujah has to do with BDSM! Anyway! I explained to her how the song chatted about a number of bible characters. In that case Samson ("She tied you to a kitchen chair, she broke your throne and she cut your hair"). So I explained the story of Samson to her (and the surrounding people who were working around us in our lab). It then led on to David ("I've heard there was a secret chord that David played and it pleased the Lord" and " Your faith was strong but you needed proof, you saw her bathing on the roof.." And so I explained the story of David. However it made me realise how I "know" but don't know in depth the story of David. Where he came from, where Goliath fits in his story, when did he start playing the harp for Saul, where does Jonathon come in, etc! After going through that she said "Who was the guy with the lions?" So we went on to chatting about Daniel. Again I asked myself the same questions. I don't really know the order of Daniels life, where were the lions, where do rack, shack and benny fit in (check out vegetales!). All these questions flooded into my head! But all the time I was thinking what a blessing it was to be asked about the bible! I didn't know all the answers, but that's ok! Hopefully something of my explanations of God's role in all of these stories made have sunk in. Who knows! Peak 2

Then I got in for work this morning. Found out that because of (we think) a small error I made, all the three batches we did (15 hours work in total between 3 of us) failed. This was not good. I make alot of mistakes at work and each of them I take pretty hard. Also Barry doesn't really let me forget that I make mistakes. She's often reminding me to be careful and that I'm untrustworthy with things. Sometimes it's fine. Other times it can really get to me. We had to redo all the work again today. I'm exhausted. I'm stressed. and I have very little food in the house! But I don't want to shop until after the weekend (am heading to London again, dead excited (again!))
The stresses of this week have been piling up. I don't know if I'm going to make it to Friday! I can't believe it's only Wednesday! Trough 3

All is not lost though.
God is faithful and he will keep me going through. He gives me strength. I was on facebook before I wrote this and a friend's status said this: 'I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me' (even if it is through gritted teeth!). I found it strangely apt!

The photos are from my lovely walk in Otford.

Done for now.

One of Life's Great Pleasures...

This shall be short, firstly because it has no "deep" philosophical/spiritual point, secondly it's rare I get to blog my thoughts soon after I have them (I'm usually at work or in bed!) So I haven't had time to mull! Anyway...

Sometimes there are moments in life that seem almost entirely perfect.

I just had one of those moments.

It's Sunday lunch time (albeit a tad late). I have made myself a fantastic (if I do say my self) effectively bangers and mash, although I prefer it's less common name of sausages, potato that has been pulverized by a plastic instrument, and peas. To accompany this I made the most delightful gravy (part water, oxo cube, bovril, red wine and lea 'n' perrins). The pulverized potato had roasted garlic in it. Yum. Anyway the foods not the most important thing here!

I decided to sit outside at my garden table and eat this as it was sunny.

This became the 90% moment. It was beautiful sunshine. My food was extra scrummy. The beas were flying among the overgrown dandelions in my unkempt "wild look" garden, yet keeping far enough away from me not to bring on my (I think rational, others would argue against this) fear of being stung. All in all just wonderful.

The 90% lacks from 100% (as 90% always does! (I've never found 90% to be the same as 100%). To make this up to 100% it breaks down like this.
1% - Have my family with me.
1% - Have some but not all my close friends (Don't want it to be a party just a friendly gathering).
1% - Have Becca around.
2% - Be somewhere more beautiful. Yorkshire would do the trick wonderfully.
1% - Not have to go back to work tomorrow.
1% - Not feel like I would burn if I was out here too long.
1% - Not have to worry about my report at all.
1% - Not have to wash up!
1% - Be able to stay there forever!

However 90% is no bad thing! So am happy.
Hold onto such moments for they are ones that stick with you and ones you will look back on with fondness.

Life Calling...Some time soon?

So! Now I know that at least one person reads this I shall try and make it vaguely interesting (I would say entertaining but I've never been much of a writer)

I have been listening to music recently. I like music it does lots of things for me, it can relax me (Chopin), entertain me (Colette McKendrick), get me (silently and in my head) rocking (Nickelback) but the thing I love most of all is that it can speak to me. I love it when certain words (or to be more technically correct I think "lyrics" is what they call it in the industry) have a meaning that sticks with me. Often it's very easy just to listen to the "bangin'" tune. Appreciate the riffs and musicianship but miss out on the words being said. Although sometimes the words are challenging to distinguish! (The comical mishearing of Hillsong United's "All I need is You" (On Look to You and With hearts as one) Where it says "You hold the universe, You hold every one on earth" However for a long time I thought it was "You are the universe, You are everyone on earth!" My scriptural knowledge isn't everything I wish it was but I'm sure that's not quite what it says!) Anyway! Recently I have been listening to a very specific song, namely that of "The Call" by Regina Spektor. It is the start of the credits in The Chronicles of Narnia:Prince Caspian. The lyrics of it are fascinating.

"It started out as a feeling, which then grew into a hope, which then turned into a quiet thought which then turned into a quiet word, and then that word grew louder and louder 'till it was a battle cry, I'll come back when you call me no need to say goodbye."

I've been mulling over "calling" recently, how some people have very distinct calls to certain things. It can look easy. I know many people that know exactly what they want to do (but more importantly are called to do) However I also know many people (and this seems to be a common theme among university students) who have no idea. Being a Christian changes this. But does not make it any easier! The one comfort (in this sense) of being a Christian is that God knows the plan for us. However it can throw up different questions. Instead of "What am I going to do with my life?" it changes to "What does God want me to do with my life, how can I find out?" Sometimes it is obvious, as with my father. He was praying in a chapel and saw 7 stain glass windows, one with each of the sacraments.
(Sacraments for those of you who don't know are "special" (not sure what word to use there) to Catholics and I think traditional Church of England. Please feel free to correct that! Anyway they are... 1. Baptism 2. Confirmation 3. Ordination 4. The Eucharist (communion) 5. Confession 6. Healing the Sick 7. Marriage)
Anyway he was praying and suddenly knew that he was suddenly called to being ordained.
However. He got this calling when he was 50ish(?!) For thirty years before that he was a very good accountant! So what does this mean. Does this mean he wasn't called until that moment, or his calling changed. I haven't yet worked this one out and I have every intention of asking him. I guess what I intend to take from this is that God can call you at any age. Just because you don't feel called the day you graduate doesn't mean God hasn't got an incredible plan for you! Look at Moses!! He was 40 when he left Egypt (Acts 7:23) and he was 80! when he was called to "have a wee chat with Pharaoh" (Exodus 7:7) It's never too late!

Anyway back to the lyrics of the song. I really like this picture of a call. It just starts out as a feeling inside, then turns into a hope that makes you smile, that turns into a quiet thought and thus a possibility, which turned into a quiet word, and that word grew louder, and louder, and louder. Till it was a battle cry (I LOVE that image!) A battle cry speaks of progress, moving forward and taking the bull by it's horns. Take that call and pursue it.

Calls come in lots of different way and at lots of different times. The key is to be ready. I liken it to Matthew 25:1-13 entitled "The parable of the ten virgins". Although the story is about waiting for the Kingdom of Heaven, I am going to apply it here in 5 simple words!

You've Got To Be Ready

As the David Crowder band (but personally I prefer Ben Cantelon on Soul Survivor 2005 momentum CD) says.. "Turn your ear to Heaven". I can not stress enough how imperative it is to keep your eyes and ears on heaven. There's a whole sermon on this topic that I could happily give! I'm trying to work out where to stop but I can't yet! Almost though. There are many songs out there that explain what I'm trying to say. "Fix your eyes upon Jesus", "For the sake of the Call" (Steven Curtis Chapman - worth listening to!) "My Future Decided" (Hillsong United")

"My eyes on all of the above
My soul secure in all you've done
My minds made up
And you are the only one for me"

(Helps if you know what "all of the above" is! Is part of my Future Decided should you decide to look it up)

Right I'm losing steam now.
All I can say is that God has a plan for YOU. Even if you don't know it now he will reveal it just make sure you're chuffing listening! It may not be now but it will happen.
By the way, I don't know what my calling is yet. This has stressed me previously, but I know I can rest in God knowing he'll reveal it when he's ready. I just want to make sure I'm listening!

Here's a link to that original song I love so much. "The Call" - Regina Spektor
Phew.
Done for now.

Personal Disappointment!

I am a little disappointed with myself.
About a month ago (ish) I went on a snowboarding holiday with my best friend and a few other guys. Was a really great "lads" holiday (in a Christian was, (it was a Christian organised holiday). We were there for two weeks which was awesome in itself. While we were there we were both approached by two of the leaders, my friend was approached by the snowboarding instructor and I was approached by the leader of the week. Anyway to cut a long story short, they asked us both to get involved in helping run/organise/be a part of the team. I jumped at the opportunity. So much so that almost as soon as I got home I filled out and sent off an application form.

In two weeks I will be going to the "headquarters" of this company to stay for a weekend to help out with a group that will be there, basically seeing if I would fit in the teams that they take away. I hope very much I do, as they organise Summer and Winter holidays. However I have been struggling recently with keeping up with my Spiritual disciplines of praying and reading the bible, and somehow the thought has crept into my mind that I will need to pretend to be "better" (over sized inverted commas intentional) than I am. That I would need to try and convince them I am a "better" christian than I am for them to accept me. There are thousands of things wrong with this. Firstly I have been saved from sin just like everyone else. Jesus died for me, just like he did for everyone else. Thus I am no worse than anyone else (and coincidentally no better!) We have all fallen short of God and all need saving and I have been saved. Secondly, if I were to pretend to be better than I am, I am sure that they would see right through it! It's pretty obvious when you get a "fake" Christian. Someone who says the right things and does the right things but without God's love. Thirdly, we all struggle at times! That's often how we grow stronger. Just because we are in a tough spot does not mean we are no longer a Christian or a rubbish one. Jesus was led into the desert by the Holy Spirit. What makes us think we won't be.

But here's the most important part:

The Holy Spirit also led Jesus out of the desert. He did not leave Him stranded! The desert has its place in our spiritual journey but is not the "be all and end all".

I want to go to the weekend with the Holy Spirit flowing out of me, but I also want to be myself. Both very attainable! But the next two weeks I need to kick myself into gear. Spend less time checking facebook and twitter (@macmacdonald) and spend more time praying, reading the bible and generally hanging out with Jesus! It's such an easy thing to do that doesn't involve kneeling with your head bowed and hands clasped! But is too easy to not to do what you want to do! "So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me" Romans 7:21

Pray for me.

Done for now.

First one's a charm?

So...
I've been meaning to write this for some time. Largely since I got back fromSkiing in Switzerland but it's taken me a while to rediscover the fire. I'm a big fan of reading other peoples blogs but I thought it is quite a handy way of getting down your own thoughts. I'm also contemplating not telling anyone I'm writing this and seeing if anyone ends up reading it, through chance/stalking/bizarre conincidence.

I was struggling to think of a title. But then I thought what will this incur, which "department" if you will, of my thoughts will this encompass? And I think, although not exclusively, it will be my more "spiritual" (oh I do dislike that word, it has some air of petty superiority possibly put on it my yours truely!) thoughts that come out. As well as random things I see and like and feel need to comment upon! However on second thoughts I thought I would just leave be as something rather normal

I find it interesting that there are many many multitudes of people on the planet, everyone with a different story. But more than that, our stories (fortunately for otherwise it would be very lonely) cross paths thus bending warping and changing other people's stories. Sometimes (I like to think often) for better and sadly sometimes for worse.

My blogging story starts here. After having lots of thoughts after my holiday to the Swiss, I thought I would post them here. However due to the lack of organisation (my main downfall) they have skipped my mind as it has been something like 4 weeks since I got back and have been on another holiday since then!
I was awesomely privileged to go to Egypt. My best friend is spending a year out there and so 4 of us (Me, his fiancée, his brother and his fiancées brother! (Quite a family affair) went out to see him.
It was a real mixture of emotions that week! There were some tears (many from laughter, some from sadness) Some frustration (like trying to be ripped of by one egyptian cab dirver and my friend coming out with the line "I'm not a retard" in Arabic!) All in all a wonderful adventure to a new culture. I took 500 photos while I was there (I love photography) and I have put 150ish up on my photo website Click this link for photos! Anyway! The point of this is that I was vaguely hoping that I would get a good chance to chat to my best friend about being a christian and some of the struggles I've been having. However this never really happened. Due to noone's (is it noone or no one?) fault. So in that sense the trip wasn't quite as successful as I had hoped. But it was wonderful none the less!.

So I think as this blog progresses it might move and twist and turn. I am not going to say I'll update/post a new post every week because I will only disappoint myself, but when something comes to mind or I need to get something out I shall update and expect no one (I tried the other one this time) to read it. As it is I am also trying to figure out how to blog from my (much loved (a little too much)) iPhone. But as it is I shall just enjoy reading the blogs I do so far and see what happens with this!

Done for now.